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 Title: Dissatisfaction Author: Su Freund Email: su_freund@ficwithfins.com Category: Episode Tag. Angst. Ficlet. Content Level: Adult Only Content Warnings: Explicit sexual act, language. Pairings: None Season: 5 Spoilers: Meridian Summary: Jack needs a distraction before facing a dying friend Status: Complete Story length: 1,674 words Disclaimer: Not mine and sadly never will be. No copyright infringement is intended. Copyright 2008 Su Freund Author's Note: 1. Written in response to a fic challenge issued toThe One O'Neill Yahoo Group on 26 March - to write a short fic using the word 'Water'. Gee, and for some unknown reason it immediately made me think of Jack having a shower. I seem to be obsessed with Jack and showers. It's a great mental image! The story ended up growing way longer than I had originally intended. I got carried away... sigh... :-) 2. This ficlet has not been beta read. I hope I have not made any idiotic errors, but if I have, I hope they do not spoil your enjoyment of the story. 3. Important note: Italics denote Jack's thoughts. Dissatisfaction The hot water hit him in a rush, its small sharp jets coalescing into a continuous flow of pleasure as the shower cascaded over his naked flesh and sultry steam enveloped him. A long hot shower felt real good, especially after a difficult mission. It gave Jack time to ruminate, relax, and start putting his demons to rest. He sighed almost contentedly as the water warmed his cool skin and icy soul. But Jack was not content. Far from it. He was pissed - distressed if truth was told - and he was endeavoring to hide from his emotions. Reaching for the shower gel, he worked it into lather on his hands and smiled as its alluring fragrance hit his nostrils. Then, Jack methodically tried to wash his frustrations and woes away. Hair, neck, shoulders, armpits, chest. If Daniel was not already dying, Jack so would have killed him. Had to be a hero. Jeez. How could he do that? It isn't Daniel's job to play hero, damn it. If he couldn't kill Daniel he sure was gonna kill something - preferably one of those tight-assed, deceitful Kelownan scum. Daniel saves their asses and they blame him for their mistakes! They don't deserve to have Daniel dying for their benefit. Bastards! Turning his back to the shower, Jack allowed its soothing hot water to surge over his neck and down his spine. He sighed with dissatisfaction. It was not enough. It was never going to be enough. Daniel would die and there was nothing the Doc or anyone else could do about it. Not only would he die, but he would fade out of this life in slow and terrible agony. Fall apart piece by piece. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. Jack was going to lose a friend. A good friend. He hardly wanted to admit it, but there it was. The pair were so unalike, such improbable friends. They bickered almost constantly, failing to agree about nearly everything. Nevertheless, they were friends, and good ones. Facing the cascade again, Jack squeezed more gel into his fingers and started to work it into his crotch. Felt good. Too good. Maybe that would help. To masturbate right there in the SGC shower room. No one need know. No one would find out. His guilt gnawed at him, slowly eating him from the inside out. Jack believed it should have been him, not Daniel. He couldn't save his friend. Powerless. He hated that. Jack was the protector, Daniel's shield. He was the soldier, trained to fight death, unleash it and accept it. Daniel was a civilian and not meant to die. Jack would give almost anything for it to be him instead, and everything for it to be neither of them. He had not even been there when it happened, but this made no difference to Jack. He was culpable. His team. His friend. His fault. So help me, I won't let those bastards get away with it. I won't let them blacken Daniel's name because the cowards won't admit they are wrong. He doesn't deserve that. He doesn't deserve to die for them. For crying out loud, he shouldn't be dying at all! It should be me lying in that room dying, not him. Me. I'm the one who should protect my team. I'm the one who should sacrifice myself to save them. Damn it, Daniel, why did it have to be you, you stupid ass? Why did you have to play the hero? Jack tried to distract himself from such thoughts by slowly running his long fingers over his crotch, teasing himself into a hardened shaft he could play with. That's better. Yes... His desire for an orgasm swiftly became acute - a desperate need for that moment of pure rapture. Hardened enough now, he tightened his grip on his member, moving his fist in a rapidly increasing and jerky motion. The action cleared his head, at least for a while - cleared his head of anything but getting a little self-satisfaction. If he was able, Jack might have gone out on the town and picked up a woman, losing himself in a night of sex that he so badly needed and which was way too long overdue. As this was not possible, he settled for his right hand. A man's best friend. Subconsciously, his free hand softly caressed his chest and he started to stroke himself with it, running it down to his belly and over his thighs. He imagined a woman coming down on him, sucking and licking, moving her gentle hands over his body. Nice! The act of masturbation in a shower could be a balm to his icy soul, melt his frustrations away with the hot flowing water. Jack welcomed the wet stream prickling his face and naked body while he worked to relieve himself. The water heated his flesh while his hand progressively heated his insides. The faceless woman grabbed his ass, squeezing as she sucked his hard length, rubbing her fingers over his cheeks and along his anal crack. Yes! Oh my god, yes! Increasingly uncontrolled, jagged and hastening breath punctuated the steam and water around Jack's lips, and his pace quickened. The conclusion to his efforts seemed to be taking too long, way longer than usual. It was killing him and he begged for completion. Please, now, please! Damn it, Jack! He plunged powerfully into the woman's mouth and she sucked as much of his length inside as possible. He wished she were real. He wished he did not have to face this by himself. The woman abruptly vanished in the steam and he truly was alone. Jack almost cried out at the loss; and again, when Daniel's face hauntingly appeared behind his closed eyelids. The persistent caress of both his hands ceased instantly. Daniel as he was at the beginning, on that first trip to Abydos - a younger more naive and exuberant man. The ever present glasses perched on his nose, shyly smiling at Sha're, blushing, happy. A man who offered Jack hope. Daniel as he was toward the end, returning through the gate as a walking dead man. Knowing he was condemned even without Janet's prognosis. Rushing to the infirmary, at pains to ensure no one touched him and was similarly doomed. All hope was gone. She had returned to Pandora's Box. Daniel! Jack intended his act of self-gratification to help him forget - to transport him elsewhere for a short time. But his thoughts kept returning to Daniel. He could not let his friend go. Neither would the specter of Daniel allow Jack to let go and lose himself in short lived bliss. But Jack had to try. In that few seconds of ecstasy, he would forget and know joy. Unsteadily, he propped himself against the shower stall wall with his left hand, resuming his solitary sexual act with his right. Now, he substituted the hasty erratic movement of his hand with a slower, more leisurely pace, hoping the change of tempo would work for him. He needed it now, right now, before he faced... But his body was failing him, the guilt, sorrow and Daniel's vivid image disrupting his desperate need for immediate sexual fulfillment. Crap! Jack tried to concentrate on the water and not allow his thoughts to stray to one of the worst case scenarios he could have created. If he had ever thought of it, which he hadn't. If he had, Daniel would not be dying. Culpable. His team. His friend. His fault. Water. Heat. Orgasm. Water. Heat. Orgasm. Get it over with O'Neill! Now, damn it, now! "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!" he muttered to himself irritably, hoping the shower stalls remained empty of anyone but him. His sense of dissatisfaction was driving him insane. "Come on, you son of a bitch! Now! Please!" Thumping the wall in fury and frustration, Jack almost toppled off balance, but managed to right himself. He sucked in a breath, wincing at the pain in his left hand and losing the rhythm of his right again. Grumbling with irritation, he smoothed fist over hardness, trying to regain what he had lost. Faster! Faster! Come on! Soon... please, god, soon. Let me come! Need, want, have to... Jack groaned aloud as the hot cascade of water taunted him, increasing his dissatisfaction as it heightened his senses and he attempted to lose himself in its embrace. Closer, yes, yes! So close now. Please! "Oh my god!" he muttered under ragged breath. A few quick jolts of his hand later, with face flushed pink, Jack gritted his teeth to stop from crying out as he came, his inner juices spurting forth and joining the gushing shower. Over. Done. About time! Thank god! Feels good. Real good. Making an effort to bring his breathing back under control, he watched his seed dissipate with the shower water, flowing down the drain. No evidence of his self-gratification remained, except for that relieved peace of the glorious aftermath inside his gut. The peace didn't last for long. The memory Jack blessedly forgot in one rapturous moment, he instantly and heartrendingly recalled once the moment passed. This time, the power of the shower and his right hand did not work. Jack might have been sexually satisfied, at least for a while, but his thoughts remained angry, dark and cheerless. He was going to lose a great friend, a good team mate. No number of steamy showers, temporarily satisfying jerk-offs or one night stands of hot sex were ever going to change that or bring him back. The young man would not grow any older, while Jack would take his guilt to his grave. Now, Jack had to steel himself to face it, to face up to Daniel and his inevitable demise. To watch the life slowly seep from his friend in agonized misery. He dreaded it. Wished he could take this shower all over again and let the hot water beat at his flesh once more. But he couldn't. It was time. The End |