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 Title: Enduring Time Author: Su Freund Email: su_freund@ficwithfins.com Category: Angst, romance, friendship, drama Content Level: Age 13+ Content Warnings: Major character death, mild language, sexual situations Pairings: Jack/Sam, Sam/Teal'c, Daniel/Vala Season: Future Spoilers: Up to and including "Unending" Summary: Sam says goodbye, and uncovers a long hidden secret... Sequel/Series Info: Sequel to Unending Time and Chapter Two of Enduring Time Status: Continuing Series Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright 2007 Su Freund Author's notes: Thanks, again, to Denise for one particular plot bunny that sparked my imagination and that I couldn't resist using. I repeat these thanks again here because her suggestion inspired part of this chapter. Also, I am indebted to my beta reader for this story, ImmerRDA, who helped me to iron out some kinks! :-) As ever, any remaining errors are entirely down to me. Last but not least, I'm very grateful to all of you folk who are reading this series and who sent me such terrific feedback and words of encouragement. Enduring Time: Chapter 3 Previously: "Poor Sam. She no longer has this." [Daniel] "She has us. I know we can't replace or compensate for Jack, but she has the comfort of friends." [Vala] "Yeah, she's going to need that." "Then I'm glad you rented that cabin up the road so we can be here for her for a while." "I hope she feels the same way," Daniel said, and Vala eyed him narrowly. "I haven't told her yet. She might want to be left in peace." "Teal'c's right, she shouldn't be alone." "We all need to be alone sometimes." "Then we can leave her alone too. We'll be there on her doorstep when she needs us." "Yeah, I like that thought." "We should rejoin Teal'c. He must be grieving too. He needs his friends." "You betchya," he agreed, and the couple withdrew from their embrace and ambled arm in arm toward the car, where the Jaffa waited in solitary contemplation. The story continues: Sam stared at her husband's coffin silently for a long time, her thoughts a jumble of memories and sorrow. She knew she had to comfort herself with the happy times, and there were many to choose from. Eventually, she raised her eyes and looked around to ensure she was alone. The tears she wanted to shed hovered uncertainly and Sam took a deep breath, steeling herself against them. She would weep at home - she would sob her broken heart out. Reflectively, she thought maybe she had lived with her husband too long and he had taught her too well about reigning in her emotions. On the other hand, she had always been quite good at that even without his influence. This was the military way and Sam was born into it. In reality, however, she knew that once she started crying she would be unable to stop and would never make it through the wake. "God, Jack, what am I going to do now?" she said aloud, her eyes moving to his grave once again. "I don't know what to do. I miss you so much and that's never going to go away. How do I live with it? You knew how to, didn't you? Tell me how." Pausing to scrape her fingers through her hair, she took another deep breath to calm herself. Sam felt ire rising to the surface, along with the deep agonizing pain. "You've gone, you bastard, you've left me. You said you'd never do that! Now, I'm all alone again. It's going to be hard being by myself after all these years. You shouldn't have left me! I used to deal with being on my own, but I'm not sure I can anymore." Churlishly, Sam stomped a foot and glared at Jack's grave like she might have glowered at her husband during one of their marital arguments. "Aw, crap!" she cursed, emulating one of Jack's favorite expressions. As she realized the futilely of her ire, it started to dissipate. Instead, sobs welled up inside, but Sam pulled herself back from the brink again with a chuckle on her lips. "You taught me well, Jack O'Neill. You taught me how to hide, but also how to open up. How ironic is that? I know dying isn't your fault. You would never have left me by choice, would you, my love? We got longer than we might have imagined, but I wanted more. I wanted forever. It's so unfair. Couldn't you have taken me with you?" She sighed mournfully. "You wouldn't have wanted that, would you? You always wanted me to live my life. You never tried to hold me back from anything." That was so true. Jack would have sacrificed almost anything for her and she knew it. He had given her so much, including the freedom to be herself. By doing that, he had strengthened their love, and her, binding her to him forever. However, if that had not been the achieved effect, he would have contented himself that she lived the life she really wanted, even if it had been without him by her side. It was almost unimaginable to think of him not being by her side anymore. He had supported her every step of the way, including the career she loved so much. Sam knew he had hated the Atlantis assignment she was offered. That separation had been hard for both of them, but they realized it was the right thing for her to do, so he supported her just as he had with any other career driven decisions. They had not lived their whole lives apart, after all, only some of it. Just a fraction of the time they had been together. The couple never got around to having that family they both craved, putting other things first as they always had. Sam knew he would have been a great dad and often contemplated what they might have missed. She would like to have witnessed it as Jack had been so wonderful with children, but there were compensations. She was less certain about her mothering abilities, but she would have liked to have tried. Having Jack's kids was an unfulfilled ambition, but he had supported this too, even while he knew they would both have some regrets. It had seemed so right at the time, and the one thing it gave them was the chance to be themselves, together as a couple for many years without the stress and strain of a family. Selfish perhaps in some ways, but they had never allowed regret to be a burden. They had been happy, complete and fulfilled in themselves. Cassie was the nearest thing Jack and Sam ever had to a child of their own. They were close before Janet died and afterwards grew even closer. Cassie took the couple into her heart as if they were her parents, and Jack and Sam were more than happy to play that role. The young woman was delighted when her surrogate parents finally got together. She always believed this was their destiny and Sam supposed she was right. It saddened Sam that Cassie was not here now, and she knew the woman would be heartbroken by Jack's death and that she had missed his funeral. She adored Jack. Sam was frustrated they could not contact Cassie but, once she returned home, they would mourn together. That was a consoling thought. For now, Cassie was doing what she wanted to do, exploring a previously uncharted galaxy. Sam kind of envied her, but she had had her time. Children and Cassie might have been a comfort now, of course, but Sam had friends. Good friends. She would survive and endure. "I love you so much, honey, so much," she said. "Always." Sam smiled softly at the memories that one word provoked. Always. It was the sentiment that best described their relationship and enduring love. She would always love him, no matter what happened in the future - love him as she always had. She recalled Jack whispering that word to her when her father was dying. The utterance of that solitary declaration, the notion of him being there for her, had meant a lot to Sam. After that, she had expected something to happen between them, but it had not, at least not straightaway. This had puzzled and hurt her, but she had never summoned the courage to make the first move. Or at least not after that one occasion shortly before her father's death, when she had mustered the nerve to turn up at his place, fretting about her forthcoming marriage and the bad choices she had made. Sam yearned for Jack to say or do something that would dig her out of the hole she had dug for herself - anything might have sufficed, however small. She wanted to tell him how she felt, to get an inkling of hope. Kerry Johnson was there and her shock and despair could not have been more complete, or so she thought. Then Jacob had died. It was not until much later she understood why he waited so long to ask her out on a date. Jack had his own fears, lacking the courage, taking a long time to pluck up the nerve. He feared rejection, failure, was uncertain of her true feelings. Once they started dating it had not taken them long to find out what was true, what lay in their hearts, but taking that first step had been difficult. "Wasn't it a Chinese philosopher who said 'a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step', my love?" she asked the ether. "He was right. I'm so glad you took that first step. What would my life have been like? I can't even imagine. It was one hell of a journey, Jack - quite a ride. Worth every moment of waiting, every battle we fought, every day we struggled." She smiled brightly at the thought, but her sigh was wistful. "I guess I'm going to have to go now, Jack, and learn to live this life without you. I need to take my first step on the rest of that journey. I wish you could be here for it, but you can't, so I'll do it without you. I can do it, my darling. I can." Hunching her shoulders against the cold, Sam looked around again. The chill breeze cut into her cheeks and down to her bones. Shivering, she started to move away, pausing and turning back briefly. "Goodbye, Jack. I'll be back to visit you very soon, tell you how I'm getting on. I'll miss telling you things, so I'll come back to share. I know you'll still be here for me, always." Then she walked away without looking back again, and went to find the friends that were another fundamental element of her life. They would share that journey and so would Jack, in her heart. 0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0 When Sam awoke with her head resting on a person's chest and the reassuring feel of someone's arms around her, she started, thoughts immediately reaching out to Jack. Jack! No! It couldn't be him. It would never be him again. How would she ever deal with such a loss? She could only try, live day to day as Jack would want her to live. In her dead husband's absence, however, the idea that she had slept in someone else's embrace horrified her. When she opened half an eye warily, and realized it was Teal'c, Sam was relieved. Teal'c had been such a consolation when they returned to the cabin the previous night with Daniel and Vala. He held her close while she sobbed her heart out, and was quietly reassuring, saying little as usual. His presence alone meant so much. It had ever been thus. So, she had fallen asleep on her couch with him, huh? She smiled softly, pleased by the notion that he had not left her and gone to the bed prepared for him in a guest room. After the initial shock was over, she realized it felt good to wake in his arms, and that he was there for her as he had been so many times during their years as team mates and friends. Teal'c had frequently been a rock to lean on. When Jack disappeared off world with that rat fink Harry Maybourne, for example, and when Janet died. Sam could think of many occasions when his strong arms, a few apt words or his silent but solid presence had been a comfort. She had missed him. Reluctant to disturb him when he seemed to be sleeping so peacefully, she decided to stay put until events made her move. She could not hear Daniel or Vala moving around so assumed they must still be sleeping. A brief look at her watch told her it was still early. Carefully craning her neck, she looked up at her Jaffa friend's face and ran her eyes over his features. He was starting to look old, now, older than she had ever imagined he might. A kernel of concern twisted her stomach at the thought as she wondered how many more years Teal'c might live and whether she might have to bear that loss too one day. No doubt, he would out live them all despite those additional years resulting from their experiences on the Odyssey all that time ago. Then, from the corner of her eyes, she saw something glinting in his hand and turned her head to peer at it, astonished to see it looked like a necklace she had believed lost many years ago. Looking closer, she thought it might be that very same necklace. Well she remembered turning the house upside down for it and grumping at Jack because she had lost it and could not fathom where. They'd had an argument that day as he could not seem to understand what all the fuss was about. She could get a new necklace, couldn't she? He could buy her a replacement. So like a man. Nothing could replace the memories the original held for her - surely, he knew that - but Jack did not seem to get it and this irked her, niggling for a while. The argument turned to sullen silence between them, with Jack failing to see what he had said and done that was so wrong. Making up again was quite nice, she recalled, although she carried a small flame of resentment inside for many days. Jack brought her a new necklace and she pretended to be pleased, which she was in her own way, but he never had understood that she mourned the loss of the missing one. That necklace had belonged to her mother, and had meant so much. It was irreplaceable. The more she looked at what Teal'c held in his hand, the more she knew it was hers. What was Teal'c doing with it? Slowly, she reached out to touch it with her fingers, but Teal'c stirred so she quickly withdrew her hand. Sam knew she must have given it to Teal'c and, if so, there was only one time when that could have happened - a time many years ago that she did not remember but he did. This appeared to confirm what she had suspected but had not considered much for years. They had become something more than just friends when stranded on the Odyssey. This might take some thinking about. When he woke to find Samantha in his arms, Teal'c's heart thudded so rapidly and loudly that he believed the whole world might hear it, which meant she must too. Quickly, he withdrew the embrace and moved to create some distance between them, finally shifting his eyes to meet hers and gauge her reaction. "Samantha," he said without thinking, and she looked at him with surprise. She could not recall him ever calling her that before. Sam had tried many times to persuade him to refer to her by her forename, without getting through. This, along with her discovery of the necklace, provoked her thoughts further, and she noticed when he quickly realized what he held in his hand and put it in a pocket, apparently hoping she had failed to notice. Sam did not intend to disillusion him. This was not the right time to challenge him about any of it, therefore she remained silent so she could mull over it later. This was a time to mourn the loss of her husband, and not let anything intrude on that, although some distraction from her grief might have been useful. As the implications might be more difficult to face than her sorrow, however, Sam did not comment. Besides, she suspected her knowledge would mortify Teal'c and it would make him uncomfortable if she mentioned it. Sam did not want that because she needed his friendship right here and now. She needed those sturdy arms of consolation, his quiet and placid strength. "Morning Teal'c," she said with a faint smile. "General Carter," he replied, realizing his mistake and regretting it. He had sworn never to call her Samantha again. It brought back too many bitter and sorrowful memories, although the simple act of seeing her did too. "I'm retired, Teal'c. Samantha or Sam would probably be more appropriate." Although he inclined his head as if in agreement, this idea disturbed Teal'c and, certainly, he could not envisage referring to her as Sam. This was O'Neill's name for her and would always remain so. He would always respect that and the man who he had been pleased to call a friend. Teal'c had to differentiate his intimacy with Samantha from O'Neill's, which is why using that name had become his practice on board the Odyssey. O'Neill's loss had hit him hard, but not as hard as he imagined it had hit Samantha. It was important to be here on Earth to support her, no matter how much he ached inside for the death of O'Neill and her loss. Even the passing of the years had not rid him of the deep feelings he held for his lost love. "I'll make some coffee," she said, getting up and stretching to iron out the kinks in her ageing body. Teal'c said nothing, which she took to indicate agreement to her intent, and she headed for the kitchen. This section of the cabin consisted of one large room, with the kitchen adjoining the living room in an open plan style. A breakfast type counter divided the two, and she could close shutters on that divide if she wished, although there was no door between, just an open space where a door or wall could have been. As Sam made coffee, she kept glancing through the open shutters toward Teal'c, who sat silently waiting. She recalled thinking how much older he seemed, but now she came to look more closely she saw he still appeared to be fit and strong, with muscles bulging as they always had. His hair was grey and he bore some ageing lines, but these were the only outward signs of his advanced years. Sam suddenly realized how little she knew about the life he now led. It had been a few years since they had seen him last and, unsurprisingly, she had been too preoccupied the previous day to enquire. Now, she was not sure she wished to intrude. Teal'c was a very private man, just as her husband had been. He may not thank her for curiosity. "How have you been, Teal'c?" she asked, thinking that very general question might suffice. "I have been well, General Carter." "Sam!" she retorted. "Samantha," he responded, and she smiled. To Teal'c the name on his lips spoke of an intimacy that did not exist and therefore seemed strange, but he could not deny her request any longer. "Samantha..." she said, echoing him, "I like that, Teal'c. It seems right coming from you." She noticed the short bow of his head, but silence followed and she poured the now ready coffee. "Cream? Sugar?" "Thank you, no." Placing the cups on the coffee table, Sam sat next to him. "You certainly look well," she said as if there had been no interruption of her enquiry about his health. "I am an old man." "We're all old," she replied with a reassuring smile. "Do you miss fighting?" Teal'c sighed, slightly surprised by her question. "I am old enough to wish for peace, but I miss it." "And you get peace?" "Indeed." She heard the signs of stirring in the cabin and knew their time alone would not be long enough to probe too much further. "Are you going to stay long, Teal'c?" she asked, wondering about his plans for the coming days. "I do not wish to intrude." She smiled sweetly and reached out an arm to squeeze his affectionately. "You couldn't intrude and, right now, I don't think I want to grieve alone. I'd like you to stay for a few days if that's okay." "If you wish it, I can not refuse. I will stay for as long as you need me, Samantha." His words warmed her heart considerably, along with the use of her forename, as if he had always referred to her thus. "It's so good to see you again. I've missed you. We both did." "Likewise. I regret that I did not see O'Neill before he died. I did not wish to become a stranger. Time passed." He knew it was a poor excuse, but there was far more to it than that. Samantha, however, could not know he had grieved her loss so much and for so long, or how painful it had been to see her and O'Neill together, even while that had also been a comfort in his loss. "You could never be a stranger, Teal'c, and you have nothing to feel sorry about. Please don't regret." He smiled faintly. "I will try not to." "I think we're about to be interrupted by Daniel and Vala. I hope we get the chance to talk alone again." "I would like that, Samantha." "Good. Then we'll make it so." She grinned, a smile that reminded him of the Samantha he had known years ago. It lit her eyes, making it appear she could temporarily forget her loss and be happy. Teal'c wished that for her more than anything, but realized the coming days and months would not be easy. However, her smile had always seemed to gladden the hearts of the rest of SG-1, and it gladdened his now. Then, with the appearance of Daniel and Vala, their moment was lost, which they both regretted. Such a moment might be hard to evoke even in years of trying. They might not have enough years left. Teal'c stayed for a few days, and Daniel and Vala moved into the cabin Daniel had rented, which was as close as they could get without moving into Jack and Sam's place. Sam was not certain how she felt about them living so close, with the option of interfering in her life on a day to day basis, but appreciated the sentiment. She knew they cared deeply and were concerned about how she would cope without Jack. They wanted to be around to support her. Sam, however, understood she had to learn to live with her husband's loss, and how to be alone again. How could she do that with Daniel and Vala around all the time? She said nothing, deciding to deal with it when it became necessary to put her foot down. Everyone needs their own space, after all, and both Jack and Sam had appreciated that during their marriage. So, Sam was never alone much for days after that. Although she and Teal'c spent time together over those days, they never recaptured that moment, just as they had both feared would be the case. Before he returned home, Sam insisted he should take a memento back with him. She wanted him to have something of Jack's. Teal'c seemed startled by such an idea and ruminated about what object he should choose. He would never forget O'Neill, and did not need anything to prompt that memory, but the offer pleased him greatly. When he chose Jack's fishing tackle, Sam nearly laughed aloud. She knew Teal'c had never enjoyed fishing, so his choice was surprising and a little ironic. When she questioned his selection, Teal'c smiled enigmatically. "I will learn to fish in memory of O'Neill. That is fitting, is it not?" She nodded agreement with a grin. "This place reminds me of my own home. Many trees and a lake close-by. Not as close, but close enough. My lake teams with fish." He sounded proud of the fact and turned to look at her sitting next to him on the couch, a sardonic smile on his face. Sam laughed. For Jack it had never been about catching fish but the act of fishing. She knew Teal'c had never really got that. "I will be honored to fish in that lake and remember O'Neill," he added. "I like that idea, Teal'c. So would he." "I am certain it would raise a wry smile, an arched eyebrow, and possibly an acerbic comment." "Absolutely," she said with a chuckle in her tone. "The place where you live is very beautiful?" she asked curiously. To the surprise of everyone, Teal'c had not returned to Chulak to live out the remainder of his days in the retirement he'd chosen to take. He had made his home in a Jaffa settlement on another, mainly agrarian, planet. Here, the Jaffa chose to live in peace: farming, forestry, hunting and trading. Teal'c no longer participated in the wider affairs and politics of the Jaffa, despite that his status gave him that right, and the frequent requests that he do so. He sought peace after the long years of fighting for causes and freedom and had found it. "Extremely. And tranquil," he claimed, and she noticed a slightly far away look in his eyes as if he was remembering and missing home. No doubt he was. Earth was no longer his home, and it had never been the home of his heart. "I wish I could see it." "You would always be welcome, Samantha." "I'll bear that in mind. Perhaps we could go fishing," she said with a wistful smile. "Perhaps," he responded, thinking that could be a satisfying pastime with Samantha sitting by his side in still and silent companionship, but not expectant of it ever becoming reality. She rose and walked over to the shelves lining one wall of the living room, picking up a photograph of her and Jack at their wedding and looking at it wordlessly for a while. Teal'c knew the photograph and its frame were special. Samantha had given it pride of place wherever she had lived over the years since their marriage. However, he would have been surprised that the moment was not one of grieving for her husband, but one of mourning for Teal'c himself and the fact he would leave soon. Sam had found his company invaluable. Turning with the picture in her hand, she rejoined Teal'c on the couch. "I'd like you to have this," she said, handing it to him, and her suggestion stunned him. "I-I cannot. That is far too precious to you. A-a gift beyond value," he stammered uncertainly. Sam was amused by his un-Teal'c like behavior. "It would mean a lot to me if you'd take it. I could probably replace the photo if I want to, and I have others." "O'Neill gave you the picture frame. I remember it well." The frame had once held a picture of SG-1. O'Neill gave her the picture in the frame as a birthday present many years before when he was still their team leader. He suspected Samantha cherished it. She still had the team shot, and it took its rightful place elsewhere, but when they married she had loved the silver frame so much that she had replaced that photograph with the current one. "I don't think he'd mind me giving it to you. I figure he'd appreciate it. Teal'c, you being here for the last few days has helped me so much. I'll always be grateful and I want to give you something tangible to... well... as thanks I guess. If what I give you has no value to me, it would be meaningless." Those words provoked a memory for Teal'c as she had said something similar when insisting he take the necklace that had once belonged to her mother. He had tried to resist, but she had been determined. The Jaffa knew he would fight a losing battle again now, so did not deny her the pleasure she obviously took from giving. Accepting the valued gift gave him pleasure too. Simultaneously, Sam realized that this was exactly why she had given him the necklace on the Odyssey. They must have been very close for her to do that. She wondered what he was thinking but, once again, did not feel inclined to raise the subject. That would wait for another day, another chance, and Sam knew she would make that chance a reality one of these days. TBC |